Taco Burp – Dedicated to parents everywhere embarrassed by their kids

I was out completing errands late one April (2010) day. As it approached 6pm, I decided that I was hungry and picked Taco Bell. The only other customers in the store at that time was a couple with their middle school aged son. They were ordering when I first entered. After they completed their order, I ordered a couple of soft tacos and a soft drink. Not wanting to eat anywhere else, I opted for IN and not take-out. While I waited for my order, I sat in a corner booth with my soda and relaxed a little bit from a busy but really enjoyable day.

Once my order was ready I ate my tacos while intermittently sipping the soda. There still was only 4 customers in the store: myself and the couple with their son. One employee had came out of the back to have a break at a table on the other side of the store. Two or three other employees remained in the kitchen area. No other persons were present.

The traffic out side was suddenly very, very still. No loud motorcycles. No loud trucks. No blaring music. No orders for the drive-thru to interrupt the stillness. It was as if the quite before the storm had arrived. Like out of a Christmas story – not a sound could be heard through out the house, er, Taco Bell.

Then, without warning nor notice – BBBUUURRRPPP echoed through out the store. This release of pent-up air being released from the digestive system could have been heard from a distance of 20 yards. Released into a cavernous and empty confined area only amplified the sounds. Lacking any kind of competing noise to muffle or disguise it, there could be no denying that it happened. Having no one in the store to blame it on, only amplified the otherwise embarrassment of this normally socially unacceptable conduct. (Although privately I was thinking – Score!) I have no doubt that even the employees in the rear of the kitchen area easily heard the commotion.

Bashfully, I muttered, “Excuse me, I have no idea where that came from.” The couple returned comments that were polite and slightly indicated that had they not had their son present, they may have actually cheered for me. However, with him present, they did not want to set a bad example. They assumed I was setting enough of a bad sample.

I offered one final comment – “Had I been able to do that during college, I might have been campus champ.” I refer of course to Beer Burping, a common college past time. I once started a rumor that I finished in the top 10 of a couple of campus wide burp-offs. The fact that I never actually attended college and was not officially on campus during the events is a fact that should not otherwise over shadow my efforts.

So I dedicate this rather socially unacceptable story of my transgressive conduct to all the parents that have been embarrassed by their children when in public. Sometimes it is actually handy to have someone else to blame it on – even if it IS your offspring.

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